Identifying the Sexual Predator- Part I

I’ve been on both sides, and it is no fun. I’ve seen the look on the faces of the parents who are desperately attempting to figure out what’s wrong with their child, or worse, frantically seeking their whereabouts, for I have experienced that desperation myself.

The frustration in dealing with the judicial system is unexplainable except for the physical suffering that is impossible to hide from the years that are glaringly stolen from the victims and their families.

As a member of the law enforcement community, I have been the one having to explain to a sobbing mother that I can only do so much to assist; that the police can only do so much, as I hand over a stack of endless and often meaningless resource forms for her to sift through. I want so badly to hold her hand and walk her through each and every step of this long and winding path of bureaucratic bull, and this too is simply impossible, for “the man” has tied my hands as well.

When a young teenage woman is being groomed for victimization by an older male predator, the signs can often be quite ominous and transparent. What may seem like a rather harmless friendship, or perhaps even welcomed companionship from a “trusted” acquaintance, is nothing more than a planned and strategic plot to victimize. Often there are many victims, both direct and indirect; I was an indirect victim.

Remember, predators do not look like monsters. They do not fall into any physical stereotypes. They could be a family member, a neighbor, or a longtime friend of the family. It is most often somebody who you know, and has gained your trust over a period of time. Rarely is it the opportune predator that can manipulate in the manner necessary to commit these types of crimes, for any length of time, and inconspicuously.

The “Snatch and Assault” crimes are far less common and can be more easily avoided by using common sense practices, i.e. walking in well lit places, and whenever possible, with at least one other person. (I will be discussing more on defensive tactics on future blogs.)

Be mindful when your children are spending more time alone with friends and family members, especially if this is happening more frequently, and especially involving adolescent girls. If your child begins to express adoration for this person, defending their quality time together, and begin to shut you off from “their” relationship, it may be signs of further grooming manipulation and the beginnings of the “divide and conquer” tactic.

If your child begins to receive gifts from this person, especially those that you either did NOT want them to have (i.e. cell phone, clothing, etc.), or perhaps gifts that would normally be presented by the parent at opportune times or special occasions; this should raise a red flag. Predators spend lots of time earning the trust and love of their victims by saying all the right things. They provide money, food, “love” and compassionate, empathetic understanding to their prey, in slow, methodical ways. If you aren’t paying close attention, you, as the parent or guardian, will fall prey to these tactics as well, for they are offered in slow, subtle doses.

If any of this is beginning to resonate with you, feel free to contact me to ask questions. I may not have all of the answers, but in time, I will continue to offer more insight and solutions on this blog.

Spyware: A Parent's Priority

2SEXY4U SAYS: ASL?
HOTGURL14 SAYS: WHO IS THIS???
2SEXY4U SAYS: SIMON.
HOTGURL14 SAYS: 14/F/HFX. U?
2SEXY4U SAYS: 15/M/HFX
HOTGURL14 SAYS: WHAT SKOOL DO U GO 2?
2SEXY4U SAYS: ST PATZ U?
HOTGURL14 SAYS: OMGZ DO U NO BRAD? MY FRIEND HAS THE HUGEST EVER CRUSH ON HIM.
2SEXY4U SAYS: YEAH, HE’S IN MY ENG CLASS. WUT SKOOL DO U GO 2?
HOTGURL14 SAYS: SACRED <3
2SEXY4U SAYS: O KEWL. WUTS UR NAME?
HOTGURL14 SAYS: ABBY.
2SEXY4U SAYS: NICE 2 MEET U ABBY.

Could Abby be your daughter? The chat transcribed above is fiction, however every day very similar chats start up online, and not all of them are innocent fun. Maybe Simon is really a 15 year old boy attending St Pat’s and maybe he really does know Brad. Or, maybe Simon is older. Say, 45.

A couple conversations down the road maybe Simon suggests that they engage in what is known as cyber sex. Abby is reluctant at first, but he says it’ll be fun. It’s his first time too he says, but everyone is doing it. Maybe later Simon convinced Abby to buy a cheap webcam, to make it more real. And then one day, Simon asks Abby to come over. Abby makes a detour on her way home from school and winds up on his front steps, ringing the doorbell.

Unfortunately, this is not outside the realm of possibility. To flesh out the background story a bit, let’s say Abby’s mother died last month and her father has become overbearing and distant. Considered the most dangerous predator out there, the cyber predator is looking for vulnerable children. And cyber predators, in this case Simon, provide exactly what they are looking for, love, understanding and acceptance.

Often cyber predators groom a number of children at the same time. Predators are seasoned liars. They are very patient, sometimes spending months grooming a victim. Instant messaging programs and internet chat rooms are a haven for these predators.

2SEXY4U SAYS: BRB GOTTA GO DOWN & GET DRINK.
HOTGURL14 SAYS: KK
2SEXY4U SAYS: BACK.
HOTGURL14 SAYS: THAT WAS FAST WHERE’S YOUR COMP?
2SEXY4U SAYS: IN MY ROOM.
HOTGURL14 SAYS: O KEWL, MINE 2.

Cyber predators like the fictional Simon want to know where your child’s computer is. Predators need secrecy, they need to know that parents can’t suddenly come on the scene. They gradually gain the child’s trust encouraging them to talk about problems and share secrets. This is easy for the child because it is not face to face, and the assumed anonymity of the internet provides a sense of false security.

The internet can be a wonderful tool for research and connecting with friends, but it can also be a very dangerous place. You alone can protect your kids. Make sure they know the rules for safe surfing. Make sure they don’t add people they don’t know to MSN, Y, AIM and ICQ. If they have a blog, ask for the URL so you can read it and talk to them about posting only non-indentifying information. Most importantly keep the lines of communication open, encourage them to talk about what they see online.

Another option is to install internet monitoring software, enabling you, the parent, to check in and view where your child is surfing on the net, who they are chatting with, and what topics are being discussed. Theia Investigations sells and installs Spector Pro software, a tried a true, covert form of monitoring software. Click here for more info.