Theia's Blog

Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

2010-01-28T22:33:00.001-08:00

I thought I did too, although I was pretty sure that my younger teenage daughter was obfuscating just a bit recently when laying out her weekend itinerary for my approval. I continued to require check-in times, other parents’ names and phone numbers, and inquired about peer pressures surrounding drugs, sex and alcohol. I wasn’t convinced. I reminded her about the consequences for lying to me or deceiving me relating to any behaviors that could prove dangerous to her well being, or the well being of others. She assured me with a straight face and pure innocent conviction that she was my sweet little monkey and would never stray from my wishes nor venture to betray my trust. I wasn’t buying it, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by expressing such distrust.

I liked to say that I offer my children a long leash with a tight collar, however it was beginning to feel as if my daughters, especially my young one, had the ability to slip from the collar at whim, and yet have me believe that she was faithfully wearing it, more as a favor to me, to make me feel more secure. It worked…for a while.

One evening, not so long ago, my sweet monkey was talking with me, via her cell phone, explaining what her plans were for that Friday evening. By my standards, these plans were quite convoluted, and something just didn’t feel right. I was working a late shift and was unable to make the efforts to make the necessary parental corroboration, but something prompted me to check in on her at one point, rather late in the evening. I called her cell phone but she didn’t answer. I did this three or four times with the same results. I was reminded by my frustration that the purpose of my purchasing and maintaining my children’s cell phones was to ensure easy communication between them, and me; if I could only remind her of this little forgotten factoid right at this moment.

I finally got fed up and worried enough to call the mother of my daughter’s good friend, whom was thought to be with her. She was less than reassuring that our daughters were sticking to a plan and all was ok. I then asked if she might attempt to call her daughter, which she did, but was also surprised when her daughter didn’t answer. This is where I turned to modern technology.

I had previously signed up for a service offered by Sprint called Sprint Family Locator. This feature, once added to my cellular phone service, allows me to locate the cell phones on my phone plan by going onto a website and simply clicking on my daughter’s name. The phone, so long as it is turned on and within the Sprint cell coverage area, is triangulated through the cell towers, picking up on the small identification signals transmitted from every cell phone, called pings. This is not always a very accurate locator, often measured in +/- many yards, compared to the accuracy of GPS technology, which can be often measured in feet, but if the cell signal is strong, then it can be quite precise. On this particular night it was spot on, and what it told me, after conducting a couple of false negative tests, was that my daughter was not where she was supposed to be. In fact, she was nowhere even close. So, as I was preparing to leave work early and track down my sweet angel at her clandestine location, I made one final attempt to call her. Low and behold, she answered, and let’s just say that she wasn’t doing too good. She confessed to attending an impromptu party, drank alcohol, got sick (hee, hee), and vowed never to do this sort of thing again. I had her friend’s mother pick her up immediately and bring her home, and this was the beginning of an entirely new relationship between my daughter and me. The trust slate was cleared and so we started anew.

It is experiences such as these that are the birthright of all teenagers, and yet as parents, we must do all that we can to disrupt these dangerous activities and behaviors, at least as much as safety demands, and it is doubly important for us to remember that our experiences as teenagers are not the same as theirs: Times are different, drugs are stronger, predators are more brazen, sexual behavior has become more audacious, technology has vastly widened the otherwise comfortable geographic parameters, and parents have become more lenient and trusting. So it is with this that I, as a father, a former member of law enforcement, and now as a Private Investigator, urge parents to do whatever it takes to be more watchful over our children. If it means using technology to track, and to keep track of our kids; then so be it. It shouldn’t matter that they won’t like it, they’ll thank you later.

Laying Down The Law-Drug use

2010-01-14T10:02:00.000-08:00

Any use of drugs or alcohol should not be tolerated...PERIOD! It's illegal, dangerous, addictive and need not be a part of your child's life nor your family's life. Learn the symptoms, signs and signals that might suggest the use of drugs or alcohol by your children, and perhaps more importantly, talk to them about it. Find out if they use, have ever used, intend to use, or whether or not their friends are using. Talk to the other parents. Let them know how you feel about drug use, and inform them about the signs of abuse.

I have laid down the law at my home with my two teenage girls, and I've expressed my feelings about drug use to them. I have a zero tolerance rule, and have unfortunately needed to implement strong consequences due to a breach in these rules. After this home-rule violation occurred, I stepped up the punishment threat to the dreaded "No drivers license until 18". No ifs, ands, or buts. I even suggested that they disconnect from certain drug using friends if they didn't want the peer pressures that often accompany these situations. I also explained that if they were to come home or into my car smelling like smoke of any kind, that the "Oh, my friend was smoking near me" excuse carried the same punitive action. In other words, don't hang out with others who are using!

If you suspect that your child is using marijuana, alcohol, meth, cocaine or other illicit drugs, you can contact me at Theia investigations. I carry two kinds of in-home drug detection kits that you can purchase directly from me, or I can come out to your home and conduct the testing for you.

Although liquor is often the substance of choice for teenagers, the primary deterrent for easy access to booze is to simply LOCK IT UP! Also, remind your teens that if they are caught buying, holding or drinking alcohol, they stand to lose their driving privilege for an extended period.

In addition to alcohol and marijuana, a few other drugs of choice are listed below:

Ecstasy (MDMA), also known as the "happy pill" as it makes users excited and euphoric. It can also cause permanent brain damage by killing cells that release the neurotransmitter substance, serotonin.

Nitrous Oxide (whipits), often found in aerosol sprays, i.e., whipped cream, hair spray and can be purchased in balloons by local drug dealers.

Dextromethorphan (DXM), another favorite among youngsters as it is legally and readily available. This liquid is taken orally and is found in many cough suppressants. In high doses, it can be quite dangerous.

Crystal methamphetamine (crank). This stimulant can be smoked, eaten, snorted or injected. This drug is highly addictive and can cause psychotic behavior.

Heroin. Another highly addictive narcotic that can be injected, snorted or smoked. This drug is a relaxant and can sometimes be quite difficult to detect if used in small and infrequent quantities, however usage is often increased in quantity and frequency.

Keep a watchful eye on your children. Of course they will consider it annoying, unfair, perhaps even abusive. They will surely explain to you that their friend's parents don't "stalk" them, and will certainly display an abundance of displeasure by your prodding, hovering and demands, but they will, in the end, thank you for your efforts and unrelenting concern for their safety and well-being.

Identifying the Sexual Predator- Part I

2009-11-08T10:23:00.001-08:00

I’ve been on both sides, and it is no fun. I’ve seen the look on the faces of the parents who are desperately attempting to figure out what’s wrong with their child, or worse, frantically seeking their whereabouts, for I have experienced that desperation myself.

The frustration in dealing with the judicial system is unexplainable except for the physical suffering that is impossible to hide from the years that are glaringly stolen from the victims and their families.

As a member of the law enforcement community, I have been the one having to explain to a sobbing mother that I can only do so much to assist; that the police can only do so much, as I hand over a stack of endless and often meaningless resource forms for her to sift through. I want so badly to hold her hand and walk her through each and every step of this long and winding path of bureaucratic bull, and this too is simply impossible, for “the man” has tied my hands as well.

When a young teenage woman is being groomed for victimization by an older male predator, the signs can often be quite ominous and transparent. What may seem like a rather harmless friendship, or perhaps even welcomed companionship from a “trusted” acquaintance, is nothing more than a planned and strategic plot to victimize. Often there are many victims, both direct and indirect; I was an indirect victim.

Remember, predators do not look like monsters. They do not fall into any physical stereotypes. They could be a family member, a neighbor, or a longtime friend of the family. It is most often somebody who you know, and has gained your trust over a period of time. Rarely is it the opportune predator that can manipulate in the manner necessary to commit these types of crimes, for any length of time, and inconspicuously.

The “Snatch and Assault” crimes are far less common and can be more easily avoided by using common sense practices, i.e. walking in well lit places, and whenever possible, with at least one other person. (I will be discussing more on defensive tactics on future blogs.)

Be mindful when your children are spending more time alone with friends and family members, especially if this is happening more frequently, and especially involving adolescent girls. If your child begins to express adoration for this person, defending their quality time together, and begin to shut you off from “their” relationship, it may be signs of further grooming manipulation and the beginnings of the “divide and conquer” tactic.

If your child begins to receive gifts from this person, especially those that you either did NOT want them to have (i.e. cell phone, clothing, etc.), or perhaps gifts that would normally be presented by the parent at opportune times or special occasions; this should raise a red flag. Predators spend lots of time earning the trust and love of their victims by saying all the right things. They provide money, food, “love” and compassionate, empathetic understanding to their prey, in slow, methodical ways. If you aren’t paying close attention, you, as the parent or guardian, will fall prey to these tactics as well, for they are offered in slow, subtle doses.

If any of this is beginning to resonate with you, feel free to contact me to ask questions. I may not have all of the answers, but in time, I will continue to offer more insight and solutions on this blog.

Hook 'Em Up

2009-10-29T18:45:00.001-07:00

Are you suspecting infidelity at home? Does your husband or wife seem to be distant, less sexually interested, or simply not at home when they ought to be? These are only but a few identifiers that there may be some domestic infidelity taking place, and I have just the device to assist in finding out: GPS Tracking.

Here’s how it works.

I come out to your home, business or otherwise, and I attach a mobile gps device to the vehicle of your unsuspecting spouse or lover (So long as the vehicle is registered in your name too). For the next 4-6 days, I can monitor their comings and goings with near pin-point accuracy. I can send you updates to their whereabouts on a scheduled basis, or on-demand. Just as soon as you feel confident or satisfied with the results, we simply remove the device, and nobody’s the wiser.

This is pretty cool stuff, and quite inexpensive considering the technology involved.

Call us at Theia, and we’ll “hook you up”!

Spyware: A Parent's Priority

2009-10-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

2SEXY4U SAYS: ASL?
HOTGURL14 SAYS: WHO IS THIS???
2SEXY4U SAYS: SIMON.
HOTGURL14 SAYS: 14/F/HFX. U?
2SEXY4U SAYS: 15/M/HFX
HOTGURL14 SAYS: WHAT SKOOL DO U GO 2?
2SEXY4U SAYS: ST PATZ U?
HOTGURL14 SAYS: OMGZ DO U NO BRAD? MY FRIEND HAS THE HUGEST EVER CRUSH ON HIM.
2SEXY4U SAYS: YEAH, HE’S IN MY ENG CLASS. WUT SKOOL DO U GO 2?
HOTGURL14 SAYS: SACRED <3
2SEXY4U SAYS: O KEWL. WUTS UR NAME?
HOTGURL14 SAYS: ABBY.
2SEXY4U SAYS: NICE 2 MEET U ABBY.

Could Abby be your daughter? The chat transcribed above is fiction, however every day very similar chats start up online, and not all of them are innocent fun. Maybe Simon is really a 15 year old boy attending St Pat’s and maybe he really does know Brad. Or, maybe Simon is older. Say, 45.

A couple conversations down the road maybe Simon suggests that they engage in what is known as cyber sex. Abby is reluctant at first, but he says it’ll be fun. It’s his first time too he says, but everyone is doing it. Maybe later Simon convinced Abby to buy a cheap webcam, to make it more real. And then one day, Simon asks Abby to come over. Abby makes a detour on her way home from school and winds up on his front steps, ringing the doorbell.

Unfortunately, this is not outside the realm of possibility. To flesh out the background story a bit, let’s say Abby’s mother died last month and her father has become overbearing and distant. Considered the most dangerous predator out there, the cyber predator is looking for vulnerable children. And cyber predators, in this case Simon, provide exactly what they are looking for, love, understanding and acceptance.

Often cyber predators groom a number of children at the same time. Predators are seasoned liars. They are very patient, sometimes spending months grooming a victim. Instant messaging programs and internet chat rooms are a haven for these predators.

2SEXY4U SAYS: BRB GOTTA GO DOWN & GET DRINK.
HOTGURL14 SAYS: KK
2SEXY4U SAYS: BACK.
HOTGURL14 SAYS: THAT WAS FAST WHERE’S YOUR COMP?
2SEXY4U SAYS: IN MY ROOM.
HOTGURL14 SAYS: O KEWL, MINE 2.

Cyber predators like the fictional Simon want to know where your child’s computer is. Predators need secrecy, they need to know that parents can’t suddenly come on the scene. They gradually gain the child’s trust encouraging them to talk about problems and share secrets. This is easy for the child because it is not face to face, and the assumed anonymity of the internet provides a sense of false security.

The internet can be a wonderful tool for research and connecting with friends, but it can also be a very dangerous place. You alone can protect your kids. Make sure they know the rules for safe surfing. Make sure they don’t add people they don’t know to MSN, Y, AIM and ICQ. If they have a blog, ask for the URL so you can read it and talk to them about posting only non-indentifying information. Most importantly keep the lines of communication open, encourage them to talk about what they see online.

Another option is to install internet monitoring software, enabling you, the parent, to check in and view where your child is surfing on the net, who they are chatting with, and what topics are being discussed. Theia Investigations sells and installs Spector Pro software, a tried a true, covert form of monitoring software. Click here for more info.

Save Our Children

2009-10-18T10:31:00.000-07:00

As our teens are being tempted to take part in devilish behaviors, whether it due to peer pressures, social "needs", or acting out, it is incumbent upon us, as parents, to keep a watchful eye on our kids, to initiate and maintain open-dialogue, and to question their motives.

I have personally taken this approach to an entirely new level as I have endeavored to utilize the gps and cellphone technologies, computer monitoring software, and the expression of love through my continuous involvement into each of my teenager's respective lives.

I would be more than happy and willing to share my uses of this technology, as well as to assist any parent who may have a child, of any age, who is acting out in questionable fashion. I will share with you some of the issues that can come up in regards to working with law enforcement, when a child gets "caught up" in mischievous behaviors, and highlight some of the successes in utilizing the likes of my services offered at Theia Investigations.

Feel free to ask any questions, and don't hesitate to initiate an open dialogue among others who may be facing similar difficulties in raising our modern day youth.

Remember that Theia is enhancing the Bay Area...one child at a time :-)